As I fight for words to share with you

Ugh. What a day. Classes were pretty nondescript. I think I'm bored in Italian. I probably should have taken 105 last semester. Physics was odd. And embarrassing. The professor had asked what majors were in the class, aside from engineering, and of course I opened my mouth and said 'Math'. So we're doing this integral, and he's like, 'So math major, what's the derivative of tangent? And I'm all, as quietly as possible with him still able to hear me, 'secant squared theta'. I wanted to curl up and hide. I was right, but still! Then later in the lecture, he was all 'math major, this is an easy integral, right?' and I'm totally not paying attention, and he said, 'Yeah, pay attention' and stuff. So embarrassing. Geez. And this is a HUGE lecture too. I was beet red.

I accomplished stuff today. Mostly Italian, since I am really bad at just doing physics problems, so I'm waiting until recitation tomorrow in order to see some examples. I read my philosophy and stuff. I take that back. I looked at the words on the page. Yeah, comprehension didn't really occur. I just cleaned my room. I even broke out the Target brand Windex. Now my desk kind of smells.

Sometimes I get thinking about how I must seem to other people. Sometimes I don't really like it. At all. And I really want to reverse time, but that's not about to happen, and other times I wonder who I'm trying to impress, or if I'm really trying to impress anyone at all, but instead just want to change for me, because I don't like myself. Ugh. Reality checks. Painful, but they make you grow. All I can do is learn, and face tomorrow as a stronger person. Sigh.

Amy